Before & After Example
Strong writing isn’t about using bigger words—it’s about saying things clearly and intentionally. Below is a sample of how I refine writing while preserving the original voice.
Sample One:
Before Editing
I’d settle in on the couch just a few feet away and watch as she picked up the yellow phone from the flowery kitchen wall, punched in a number, and stretched the coiled cord across the kitchen to the avocado stove to set the new rhythm.
After Editing
I settled onto the couch and watched her lift the yellow phone from the wall, dial a number, and stretch the coiled cord to the avocado stove.
Chop, stir, wash, dial.
The new cadence was set.
What Changed
- Removed unnecessary phrasing (“just a few feet away,” “picked up,” “to set the new rhythm”)
- Strengthened verbs (“picked up” → “lift”)
- Broke one long sentence into shorter, more readable lines
- Introduced rhythm to reinforce tone and scene
Why It Matters
Clear writing builds confidence and credibility. Whether you’re submitting an assignment, sharing your story, or communicating professionally, how you say something matters.
Strong editing doesn’t just correct grammar—it sharpens meaning, strengthens rhythm, and helps the reader feel what’s happening without distraction.
Sample Two:
Before Editing
When the left side of the brain is disabled by a traumatic event, we have no capacity to organize events into sequential order which disables comprehension of cause and effect. Without understanding cause and effect, the idea of consequences is also lost – which also disables planning for the future and also makes one think they are stuck in the traumatic event forever.
After Editing
When trauma disrupts the brain’s left hemisphere, the ability to organize events in sequence is impaired.
What Changed
- Broke one long, complex sentence into clear, structured statements
- Removed repetition (“which disables…also…also…”)
- Improved flow and readability
- Clarified progression of ideas (cause → effect → outcome)
Why It Matters
In academic and professional writing, clarity is everything. Strong editing ensures that complex ideas are not just accurate—but understandable.
Without this level of refinement, even rigorous work may fail to communicate its full value to its intended audience.
Ready for Your Own Edits?
Without that structure, cause and effect become unclear. As a result, consequences are harder to understand, future planning is limited, and the individual may feel trapped in the traumatic experience.